Journey To Buddhism

Exploring my spirituality

Hitting the wall

In a stressful life that seems to be relentless at the moment, I’m trying to use meditation more and more as a way to manage and cope with the stress. 

Taking 10 minutes to free my thoughts and emotions during the working day has helped immensely. 

The meditation hasn’t always taken me to those lucid trance-like places I’ve managed to go to previously.

Today, I started the day with meditation. I tried to get myself upnon the green hillside where I watch my thoughts drift away on the fluffy white clouds in front of a vivid blue sky. 

All I saw was a wall. I couldn’t turn to a window. I couldn’t open a door. I was trapped inside a room staring at a wall. 

At first I fought my visions, pushing to see the countryside beyond, but I was losing the battle. 

So I stopped and embraced the vision of the wall. Not fighting it. Looking at it to understand it. 

I’m not sure what exactly happened but somewhere I drifted and experienced that trance state. 

I was aware of being in the countryside, not on the hill looking at the clouds, but with someone.

Someone I clearly connected with and who was willing me to move on and explore the countryside more, seeing what was beyond the horizon. 

I was brought to by confusion of not being able to workout where my legs were, a strange feeling! 

I think I was so intensely immersed in my trance that my physical awareness of my own body shut down… if that makes sense. 

Slightly panicked by this I came around and wiggled my feet to realise that my left ankle was crossed over my right… my legs were still there! Phew! 

But thinking back, what an amazing feeling that was in that moment of lucid dreaming! 

Accepting the lows

I was reading in a book how Buddhism teaches us to accept that there will be low points in life, there will be incidents or actions that may trigger emotions…

But it also teaches us that those moments pass, like a dark cloud passing in the sky. The sun still shines. 

If we remember that, and don’t allow the emotion to control us, we are able to choose the way we feel and the actions we take.

This brought me some great peace yesterday even though things don’t appear to be amazing right now…

This attitude, plus gratitude… and I know everything will be ok no matter what. 

Missed meditation

Today I was back to meditating. I’d missed 2 days of meditation due to “life hecticness” so today’s meditation was well and truly needed.

Missing meditation has led to an overwhelming feeling of stuff that needs doing. So actually stopping and forcing myself to meditate was quite a hard task in itself. 

But I did it. And I feel revived from it. 

I’ve discovered that binaural beats and ambience music provides a great soundtrack to meditate to. 

The app, Brain Wave by Banzai Labs I’ve found to be good. You can choose a selection of different programs to use, such as creativity boost, euphoria, unwind, anger relief, confidence boost… and so many more. 

These programs play a different selection of waves that are designed to stimulate different thoughts in the brain. 

Along with the different programs are many ambience sounds to play alongside the brain waves. 

Or, choose music from your music library. 

Set the time you wish to listen to it and press play! 


Today, I went into the meditation with intent to focus on goal achieving listening to the creativity boost program. 

I ended up in that trance like state and transported elsewhere… I was at a farm with people I love. We were looking over at pigs for some reason. 

I’m not sure why these visions seem to come to me and I’m sure there’s some sort of meaning to them which I’ll learn to embrace and listen to over time. 

I find this rather fascinating and look forward to the outcome of my meditation sessions! 

Meditation in Nature. 

Ive spent most of the day today getting outdoors for a decent walk. 

I find the great outdoors such a refreshing place to be and the more remote it is, the more amazed and relaxed I feel. 

Today’s adventure wasn’t a magnificent one. It was a short walk not far off a main road, easily accessible and certainly no secret. 

The waterfalls I went to see are a popular place to go. But today, mid week and out of tourist season, it wasn’t too busy. Great by me! 

Once I’d reached them, I sat there for a while, perched on a hill half way up looking at the torrent of water falling down, taking so many different paths along its journey. 

As I sat, amazed at the beauty of it, I felt like this may be a good time to try meditation. 

On a rock I made myself comfortable and closed my eyes. 

The Thunder of the waterfalls certainly didn’t bring silence, but its constant noise was almost peaceful, and I listened as I drifted to a deeply relaxing place rather quickly. 

I was imagining the waterfall washing away all thoughts. I was entering that trance like zone again.

I was jolted from that zone by my dog moving. She was sat beside me relaxing too until she spotted a sheep. She just stood and turned to get a better view, the movement of her lead waking me from this trance. 

As my eyes opened, everything seemed brighter and clearer too, like a fog had lifted. 

I think outdoor meditation is definitely something to do more of as the better weather comes along. 

Siesta meditation?

Whilst on my meditation journey, I had a thought…

Actually it was laying down to have a snooze.

I contemplated meditating or having a siesta, and pondered if they were one and the same?

Comfortable, relaxing, quiet time… could a siesta give a similar thought-clearance opportunity just like meditation?

Is that why I’m those quiet little Spanish towns the local folk are so happy and easy going?

Just a thought…

Gratitude works

During a morning meditation where I was struggling not to attach emotion to my thoughts and visions…

I decided to consciously practice gratitude. 

  • Gratitude that the earth rotates
  • Gratitude that there is Air to breathe
  • Gratitude that there is food to eat
  • Gratitude that there is water to drink
  • Gratitude that I have shelter and warmth
  • Gratitude that I have love in my life

Almost in an instant I felt a lift in spirits, like the sadness and anger that was being felt just disappeared. 

And then my body began to relax and I had those moments where I began to feel like I was going into a trance. 

Gratitude is a great tool to have to keep yourself elevated at any time. Not just meditation. 

When you are grateful, it isn’t possible to be angry. 

Out of the zone

Just as I was beginning to make progress in meditating and finding an amazing relaxing place within me…

I’ve been disrupted. 

I’d set up a mediation corner and it became almost a ritual to do my morning meditation there.

Then, a sleepover with 4 children happened in that room! 

I don’t begrudge them that at all. 

I simply decided I would meditate elsewhere in the morning and chose to stay in my car before heading into work. 

But I sat for ten minutes unable to relax like in my corner. 

I tried and I tried. 

But it didn’t have the desired effect.

I want to be able to meditate wherever I go, I don’t want to be resorted to a single corner of a room. 

Travel will be a big part of my life and I wish to ensure that meditation is a tool I constantly use to keep myself relaxed and at an elevated level. 

Meditation trance?

I’ve started meditating for 10 minutes minimum each morning. 

I’ve tried to really embrace the letting go of thoughts, and one way which I’ve started doing it was by consciously visualising clouds drifting through my inner mind view.

As a cloud goes by I let a thought go with it which often brings a new thought and another after that…

But as I clear more and more I’ve noticed something happening. 

I feel as if I go into a trance. 

I have strange visions pop up of places I’ve never been. 

Or I see the colours in the darkness of my closed eyes dancing in patterns. 

It’s a blissful feeling! 

But then I become too aware of it and it goes again. 

Is this what meditation is? 

Is this the bliss that it’s meant to bring?

I hope to be able to hold onto those blissful trances more…

Anctuallynits not about holding onto anything, it’s about letting go! 

Who or what to be? 

“What do you want to be?”

Is a question I was asked many times during my childhood. 

Relations at parties wanting to know what I was going to be when I grew up…

Career advisors and teachers wanting to know to give me guidance in studies…
But I don’t ever recall being asked the question…
“Who do you want to be?”
And I think that’s more important.
At 36 years old I’m only now really thinking about that.

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