Search

Journey To Buddhism

Exploring my spirituality

Stop to do more…

The last 2 or 3 (or is it 4?) weeks have been hectic and mentally stressful for a number of reasons.

I’ve felt the need to find a moment to stop… I’ve almost felt the calling more and more to meditate.

I do struggle with meditation. I can’t shut down the noose in my mind.

So I don’t do it…

But I need it! 

So, to get better I need to practice. 

And I need a relaxing space to do it…

So a few simple things…

Comfy bean bag… scented candles… and some peaceful music to reduce the background noise…

Today I sat there for 15 minutes… my mind didn’t shutdown. But I did settle into the enjoyment of not having to do anything in that moment. 

I enjoyed the scent of vanilla from my right and Cranberry to the left… 

And the relaxing mellow music in my ears helped to drown out distractions of traffic… and the washing machine! 

When I was done, I blew out each of the 4 vanilla candles with a gratitude for each. 

– thanks for the air we breathe

– thanks for the ground that grows our food

– thanks for the water that we drink

– thanks for the fire which keeps us warm 

And as I blew out the cranberry candle

– thanks for the love in my life

This set me up well to tackle the day ahead which I dived into and completed with more ease than my earlier mind anticipated.

Beauty of natures power

As I drove home tonight, under a clear sky of a few visible twinkling stars, I caught a glimpse of a huge cloud building towards my right…

I could see where the edge of the cloud met the weather front pushing it night into a ginormous wall hovering over the town below…

The cloud seem to glow in the dark sky, as if I light was on inside it…

I suspect it may come past in the night and leave a blanket of snow on the ground making everything look fresh and white as if everything was being cleansed…

But this cloud was a beautiful, breathtaking and magnificent sight.

I do love to see nature at work or imagine how she has previously worked. 

I scaled this cloud to the town below, just trying to contemplate how high this cloud wall possibly was…

How nature can gather up so much and defy gravity to build such a monument in the sky…

I could’ve stared for hours as I have found myself doing many times in nature. 

I am breathless at the sights of mountain ranges, formed by huge sheets of ice carving through the expanse of rock to leave a valley behind on its journey to sea…

Or where huge plates on the earths surface have collided together and slowly pushed upwards to reach the highest peaks in the sky…

Our planet, Mother Nature, has the strongest forces we can witness. She’s capable of great things, building awe-inspiring monuments, and growing life upon them, capturing the necessities of life from the sky, filtering that water as it falls down, enabling life to survive in so many ways…

She’s astonishing… isn’t she? 

Time together

I sit here alone listening to the clock tick away as I wait for my love to return home. 

I haven’t seen her for 2 nights and miss her terribly. 

Each tick makes me feel more distant from her. 

And I wonder why our lives aren’t yet in alignment so we can enjoy our free time together.

Why are we like ships passing in the night? 

Why, as much as we try to forge our own path, are we still pulled apart by what we feel is necessity? 

Living a meaningful life

Here is one of my greatest struggles…

I’ve found myself trapped in the rat race of life, working long hard hours to mainly pay bills, leaving little time for much else.

There’s so much I want to do to help the world, but first I need to help myself to break out of this cycle.

The teachings of Buddha says to want what we already have as not to want more and fall into greed…

I think about what I want in my life that I have…

Food

Shelter

Warmth

Love

And that means I am blessed.

But is it wrong to want to do some extraordinary things?

Is it wrong to want to travel and witness the beauty of the earth?

Is it wrong to want to live a simpler life spending more time with those you love?

Is it wrong to want a life that isn’t so driven by money and the need for it to live? 

At times these thoughts exhaust me…

Fear the unknown

There’s a Buddhism and meditation centre not far from me, and I’ve driven past it many times thinking I’ll go there one day to learn and explore more about Buddhism and my spirituality. 

Yet when I think about going, I feel this fear rise inside me that’s put me off visiting…

What is this fear?

Fear of the unknown…

Fear of religion…

Fear of offending…

Fear of seeming naive…

Fear of finding out more about myself and having to face something hard…

These are all the fear thoughts I was thinking.

But today I decided to push past that fear and visit…

…even though I was mentally and physically tired after a difficult night.

This is when I need to embrace my spirituality the most when I feel low.

So I turned up and rung the bell…

…there was no answer at the door! 

But I won’t let that put me off!

I will return.

I will not let fear control me. I am the driver of my life, I control my direction.

PS, what is the name for these Buddhism centres? Is it known as a church, or is it called a temple (even though it is actually an old pub building)? 

Keep going…

This video has served me well over the last year or so since discovering it. 

It has pushed me through tough times to keep on going and it also serves me well as motivational material before taking on tasks… whatever they may be. 

It contains two amazing poems by Charles Bukowski and beautifully spoken by Tom O’Bedlam. 

Topped off by the amazing interstellar soundtrack by the fabulous composer Hans Zimmer…

… this video contains a lot of spine tingling awesomeness.

The burden of not being good enough

Buddhism teaches tolerance and acceptance… but where’s the line where we should no longer accept and tolerate abuse towards us?

I work in a high pressure environment. With that comes the “shit that rolls downhill” until the finger can be firmly pointed at me.

I understand that my bosses are under pressure from their bosses who are under pressure from there bosses, who are under pressure from directors and share holders, etc…

But how far do I let the pressure go before it is unacceptable? 

Is feeling unworthy, over-pressured, under-valued and feeling a failure after working long hours into the night,  missing out on quality time with those who love me, acceptable? 

Surely not? 

A quote from Timber Hawkeye:

Buddhism teaches us to be tolerating and accepting, but tolerance does not mean accepting what is harmful. Abuse is never justified, and it is only when we don’t love ourselves enough that we allow others to treat us with disrespect. 

Do I not have enough self love? 

Do I just need to let go of this abuse towards me at times and accept it is simply other people being stressed and not take the burden myself? 

Think this is a time for quiet meditation and gratitude.

More and more and less…

We get stuck into a lifestyle of always needing more…

More money, more space, more clothes, more gadgets, more holidays…

More time; which is the one thing we cannot get more of.

As we strive for more, we work harder and longer and get dragged away from the enjoyment of life. 

We become reliant on credit to afford us such luxuries which ties us down to the cycle even more.

Instead, we don’t look for less. 

Less work, less space, less things…

Which will equate to more time.

More time to love. More time to travel. More time to relax. More time to live.

Life is not about collecting more things, for they will serve you no purpose at the end of life. 

Life is about collecting memories, to create stories to tell to the next generations to come. To reminisce on a wonderful life when it’s time…

Finding peace in meditation

I’ve not mastered meditation yet, I find I cannot forget about all the thoughts in my head. The silence seems to allow my mind to be heard even more…

But I am practising. Sometimes I drift off into a relaxed sleep, sometimes I find some new thoughts I need to deal with.

But the act of taking some time to be at peace is helping, whether it’s meditation or not. 

Tensions are relieved a little and bound-nature thoughts drift away.

If I’m really struggling to meditate and the inner voices are screaming at me, then I do some gratitude prayers. I thank the universe for the good things in my life, and when I do that, I realise I am blessed and the trivial stresses in life are just that… trivial.

WordPress.com.

Up ↑